It has been a busy day. We had a toilet needing fixed, a wall that needed to be repaired, and a science project to complete. I have laundry coming out of my ears and three children with homework that had to get done! Somehow, my mother got roped into helping with the younger sets of homework; while I had the nice opportunity to listen to my daughter read articles from TweenTribune.com. But, when it was time for the madness that is bedtime, my boy would NOT go down and get himself ready. I had successfully sent my daughters down, but that boy just kept coming back. I was searching blogs for info on my {other} topic and he ran in for another kiss, a toy he forgot, to show me his pajamas.... I remembered my resolution to not yell at my kids.... I lowered my voice...lower, lower, lower... it finally worked. That is, until I heard him hooting up a storm, playing on his bed. I started to get up to go scold him but I had a thought that stopped me dead in my tracks.
I had not spoken to him in private at all... all day. Not since he first woke up this morning. My son had not seen me look into just his eyes, listen to just his words, think about just his ideas. All. Day. And that was just way too long!
SO .... I went down to his room and leaned over his bed and played a little game I am dubbing "I love you ridiculously". In order to not get him too roiled-up, I softly kissed his cheek {which reminded me of this NieNie post) and whispered how grateful I am that we love each other so much. He asked me to sing to him, which I do gladly, a song that he has only just began to request. You Are My Sunshine...
When he was a very, very small boy, I sang to him for hours and hours as he was teething or suffering from asthma symptoms. He would never let me sing You Are My Sunshine then. He would turn his head or run away or cover my mouth with his little hand. He would whimper if he heard it.... once he told me he didn't like the "hanged head part because it makes the Momma cry." Sweet little man! So, I never sang it.
A few weeks ago though, he began to request it.... turning his head an cringing when it came to that part. I decided to skip it and had taken to just repeating the chorus over and over again. Tonight I changed my mind. I wanted him to know that he IS my Sunshine, he does make me happy; even when I'm not with him, the thought of him makes me happy! I felt his reluctance as I began the second verse. He hugged my arm and buried his head into the pillow. So, I did the only thing I could think of.... I wrote another verse.
It's a simple verse, silly and not really in time with the tune; but I felt the ease in his shoulders, heard the big sigh of breath as he relaxed, and saw his pleased smile as I sang these words:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshineI kissed him softly and told him I would talk to his "beautiful face in the morning." It was a simple thing, but oh it was powerful to me! I could have gone down and scolded him. I could have blown smoke about the time ... fussed about how he needed sleep - how I needed the "Momma Time".... But then I would have missed out. I wouldn't have been able to witness the gentle moment where a stoic, big boy snuggles to sleep with thoughts of "Wow! My momma really does love me to heaven and back.... I really am her Sunshine!" And that, dear ones, would have been a very sad moment indeed.
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away.
The other day, dear, while you were playing
I saw you far away from me
But then I smiled as you came running
And when we walked, you held my hand.
