Recommit

I sit here and look over the beginings of more than a dozen blog posts that, for one reason or another, I have never been able to finish. Most recently, the reason was my lack of a decently working computer.... and while I am totally able, I truly despise trying to post via my mobile app.

I sit here looking at stacks of 'hand-me-down' items that were given to me by a family friend in need of downsizing. Mounds of laundry that need to be washed, folded, and put away. A kitchen that really needs the floors washed and the counters cleared (again).

And yet my heart only longs to make my children and apologize for the wasted hours. You see, school has started once again, for all of us. We are busy.... we are rushed.... we are exhausted. We run out the door in the morning, to after school activities and Mutual at night.... we storm through homework and dabble at housework. We scarf down meals thrown together in haste between chatter of friends and a nightly run down of the following day's happenings.

And I realize that I MISS MY KIDS! I miss my babies. I miss their snuggles. I miss their giggles and little mispronounced words. They are too grown, already. And each day I see them grow a little more.... And I long for the easy days. The ones before academics and achievements. The ones that were SO hard ... so exhausting... to trying. I long for the simplicity.

So. Even though I am going to be busy with school. Even though they are growing and busy. Even though we have commitments that we must keep. I am recommitting to something we called "Momma and Me"

I am going to make an effort each day to actively engage each child in loving and meaningful conversation even if it kills me seems silly. I will look them in the eyes and hold them close, tell them too many times how loved and important they are. I will be a better mother tomorrow than I was the day before.... EVERYDAY!

I will never give up! They are too precious for that!

Positively Optimistic

I am so excited to share all of the amazing and inspirational gems I snagged at the Time Out for Women event in Spokane, WA this weekend!

But... That will have to wait until I can go over my notes when I'm not so tired. Until then... I have something beautiful to introduce!

Billion Clicks... Think. Click. Be.

BillionClicks.org began as an (un)scientific experiment to see how many negative thoughts the average person has in a day. Hilary Weeks began to use a hand-held counter (think:Costco) to keep track of her negative thoughts and at the end of the week, she was disappointed and discouraged. She had spent so much time thinking about the sads and bads in her life.... she had forgotten to focus on and SEEK THE GOOD.

Not the type to settle for the negative, Hilary changed her experiment... she began 'clicking' her positive thoughts! For every good thought she had or said  she clicked. Her family...click. Her home... click. Her dog... click. The Gospel of Jesus Christ... CLICK! Can you just guess the surprise that awaited her at the end of four days?! Over 1,200 positive thoughts..... in four days! Phenomenal. At this point, she decided if one person could get 1,000.... why couldn't she recruit others and get 10,000... or 100,000... or ONE BILLION CLICKS! So, Hilary got a hold of the 'right people', shared her idea, launched a website.... and now she is encouraging others to Seek the Good in their lives by clicking their way to a positive life filled with gratitude!

My oldest daughter and I had the pleasure to meet Hilary today at the Time Out events. We each bought a clicker (Sold Here), and we are having so much fun clicking our positive thoughts! I logged 351 between this morning and bedtime tonight! What a wonderful thing to do in our families, our wards, our schools, our nation.... imagine the change that could come from sharing this with the world! I hope you join in on the fun and become part of the CLICK!

Before I go, I wanted to share this amazing video by Hilary Weeks from her new CD Every Step (featuring: Stephanie Nielsen and Mariama Kallon). It touched my heart and I hope that it will touch yours as well. CLICK!

I wanna be a Tortoise

In all of our struggles to do "the right thing", to be the best parent.... To make the best, most nutritious meals.... To have the most frugal yet chic home... In the midst of all of this, do we truly have time to be true to ourselves? How do we make time in our busy lives to be all that we want - or feel pressured to be?

I'll tell you a secret. 

WE DON'T!

I was impressed by this exact message in the blog post, Your Children Want YOU! In it, April discusses the tendency women have to get discouraged by not being the put together, crafty, fit woman with perfect children, wearing trendy haircuts and the latest styles - fashioned out of up-cycled, thrift store finds (of course) that we all perceive in the various media forms we encounter. She laments over her seemingly nu-alphabetized spice canisters and alternatively rejoices in her children's loving acceptance of her less than perfect attempts.

We don 't have to be everything, do everything, go everywhere to have a full, rich life.... we only have to be on the right track and take the time to point out its wonders. Linda and Richard Eyre wrote, in The Book of Nurturing, that the real reason the Tortoise won the race is attributed to the fact that he took time to do his job well. He didn't go all of the far-flung places the Hare did, he stuck to the path and watched for markers to guide his way. He didn't fret that others thought he was an unworthy participant, and in the rewrite, quite the opposite is actually true. Due to the Tortoise's easy going nature, the other animals were drawn to him, they spoke with him and helped him find his way. He didn't have to be the fastest, the most savvy, the one with the most mantle vignettes....  he only had to be himself and keep on the steady course of personal progression.

 I am, by far, not the perfectly fit, grudgingly beautiful, über stylish model of a woman that my Pinterest boards say I want to be.... but I'm okay with that.... because my kids think I have  a "beautiful face" and look "nicely dressed". When asked what they like best about me, they say things like "you play with us", "you read to me and you love me". This week, they were even grateful for the several loaves of bread I baked, even though I didn't put nearly enough yeast in and they are so dense that a single slice is a meal! The fact of the matter is, my children know that I love them and even if they don't understand it or necessarily show it , they appreciate the efforts I make on their behalf.... even the ones that fall short of the mark.

The Tortoise could never have the prowess, speed, or agility of the Hare. He could never match the Hare's style or grace.... just as I can never match some over-emphasized  imaginings of the World Wide Web. The beauty is that the Tortoise didn't have to .... and neither do I!

 

You Are My Sunshine

I had intended to write an entirely different post tonight... I feel impressed, however, to write this down now.

It has been a busy day. We had a toilet needing fixed, a wall that needed to be repaired, and a science project to complete. I have laundry coming out of my ears and three children with homework that had to get done! Somehow, my mother got roped into helping with the younger sets of homework; while I had the nice opportunity to listen to my daughter read articles from TweenTribune.com. But, when it was time for the madness that is bedtime, my boy would NOT go down and get himself ready. I had successfully sent my daughters down, but that boy just kept coming back. I was searching blogs for info on my {other} topic and he ran in for another kiss, a toy he forgot, to show me his pajamas.... I remembered my resolution to not yell at my kids.... I lowered my voice...lower, lower, lower... it finally worked. That is, until I heard him hooting up a storm, playing on his bed. I started to get up to go scold him but I had a thought that stopped me dead in my tracks. 

I had not spoken to him in private at all... all day. Not since he first woke up this morning. My son had not seen me look into just his eyes, listen to just his words, think about just his ideas. All. Day. And that was just way too long! 

SO .... I went down to his room and leaned over his bed and played a little game I am dubbing "I love you ridiculously". In order to not get him too roiled-up, I softly kissed his cheek {which reminded me of this NieNie post) and whispered how grateful I am that we love each other so much. He asked me to sing to him, which I do gladly, a song that he has only just began to request. You Are My Sunshine...

When he was a very, very small boy, I sang to him for hours and hours as he was teething or suffering from asthma symptoms. He would never let me sing You Are My Sunshine then. He would turn his head or run away or cover my mouth with his little hand. He would whimper if he heard it.... once he told me he didn't like the "hanged head part because it makes the Momma cry." Sweet little man! So, I never sang it.

A few weeks ago though, he began to request it.... turning his head an cringing when it came to that part. I decided to skip it and had taken to just repeating the chorus over and over again. Tonight I changed my mind. I wanted him to know that he IS my Sunshine, he does make me happy; even when I'm not with him, the thought of him makes me happy! I felt his reluctance as I began the second verse. He hugged my arm and buried his head into the pillow. So, I did the only thing I could think of.... I wrote another verse.

It's a simple verse, silly and not really in time with the tune;  but I felt the ease in his shoulders, heard the big sigh of breath as he relaxed, and saw his pleased smile as I sang these words:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away.

The other day, dear, while you were playing
I saw you far away from me
But then I smiled as you came running
And when we walked, you held my hand.

I kissed him softly and told him I would talk to his "beautiful face in the morning." It was a simple thing, but oh it was powerful to me! I could have gone down and scolded him. I could have blown smoke about the time ... fussed about how he needed sleep - how I needed the "Momma Time".... But then I would have missed out. I wouldn't have been able to witness the gentle moment where a stoic, big boy snuggles to sleep with thoughts of "Wow! My momma really does love me to heaven and back.... I really am her Sunshine!" And that, dear ones, would have been a very sad moment indeed.

Sitting Alone in a Crowded Chapel

** I originally began writing this Sunday night, but alas, I found myself repeatedly falling asleep at the keyboard before I could finish.  I apologize in advance if this is disjointed in any way... Happy Monday! Ha!**

This morning went fairly well, my daughters we at their father's house, my son got up early with me and was {surprisingly} the first one dressed. I needed to get to church early for choir practice and left said sweet boy with Nana, so he could finish eating breakfast. I was late to choir.... not uncommon.... but the sounds I heard from the foyer were angelic. After practice, I pulled out my cellphone to make a note before Sacrament and noticed a text message from Nana.

Nana: Do you have my keys?

Me: No. Tell "T" to look on my dresser for the spare, if you still need them.

 I put my phone away and waited.... on the empty, very long, middle pew..... alone. I waited through the prelude.... the hymns, the prayers..... the sacrament.... the talks. No one ever came. I was surprisingly disappointed. You see...


I have often found my self wondering how different my Sunday worship would be; if only I could listen to the entire showing of speakers in peace {and relative quiet} without the near-constant dress rustling and whispered "that's mine, scoot over" outbursts. I did it today. I noticed that, I did in fact, listen sans interruptions. 

Ironically, the topics of the talks today : Children, the blessed commandment to "multiply and replenish the Earth." They were beautiful, the speakers words touched my heart deeply. I was more fully edified in those few minutes than I had been in months... Probably since October conference. I remember thinking "I want to take notes... I want to blog about this..." but I never did. I sat, with pen in hand, and didn't write at single thought. I was riveted. So I will just try to post a few key points and my thoughts.

1. Each talk (two youth, a High Council member, and a Bishopric member) repeated the all important point that: the family is so important to Heavenly Father, it was the FIRST commandment given to Adam and Eve in the Garden.

My thoughts*: Commanded by God. Not suggested.... not only encouraged.... COMMANDED! That is important! These children are important! The entire Plan of Salvation hinges on each of God's children coming to earth and gaining a body. Without children, births, families.... this Plan could never succeed. Our families need to know this! Our children need to know this! I need to teach my babies that not only did I want each of them to be born, but Heavenly Father wanted each of them be born, because He loves them and He knows the full scope of their importance to His Plan!

 2. Because Heavenly Father desires for all of His children to be born and raised by loving families, we have specific responsibilities to uphold and understand exactly what His perimeters are. All life has value, regardless of the views of popular culture.

My thoughts: While the logistics (when, where, how many, etc.,) of having children are immensely personal and ought to be, prayer-filled decisions between a couple and the Lord, we as disciples of Christ, must be advocates for His teachings on earth. Abortion is not in keeping with the Lord's will... it destroys so much more than mere "carbon-based tissue". It's very practice destroys the fundamental purpose of our existence. It raises many concerns, creates many more far-reaching emotional and physical ailments than those it is touted to alleviate.  We can not cow down to those who would seek to destroy the Lord's will , because of fear or threat of alienation. We must more fully understand current issues, choose the path which we ought to go, and stand steadfastly on the Lord's side! We must not allow modern media or educational sources influence our children in these areas, we must continue to teach faithfulness and a desire to do only what the Lord would have us do.... even if it is the unpopular choice. Popularity doesn't matter, eternal salvation does!

3. Parents are to teach, with prayer and careful thought, the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their homes. Our time here should not be wasted, waiting for perfect circumstances before beginning and raising a righteous family.

My thoughts: It is the desire of all parents to give our children more than we were given.... to help them experience all the good we can offer. But I wonder, has my (and society as a whole) wish to give more to my kids really been in their best interest? If I spent as much, or more, effort on helping my children internalize and understand Gospel principles as I do Math or Geography facts, how much more peaceful would my home be? How much more confident would my children be? How much more able to fully retain and learn would the Lord bless them to be? It is not my children's responsibility to push me to teach them, it is my responsibility to teach them and to give them guidance in their actions. It is my responsibility to live in a way that will be an example to them and plant in them a desire to fulfill all that Heavenly Father has ready for them to accomplish, both on earth and in the Eternities.

These are just a few of the points I gleaned from yesterday's meeting. I find myself wishing that I could have hard-copies or recordings of the talks, to share with my family. I wish that my whole household could have been able to attend.... but then again, I wonder if I would have felt the message, so acutely, had I been surrounded by the hustle and bustle that is my life. I imagine, quite honestly, that had the bench been full; the profound effect would have been lost on me, as it was magnified by the absences I felt. 

A New Focus

I have long been impressed by the mothers spoken of in Alma 56 & 57, the mothers of Helaman's 2,000 stripling warriors. From the first moment of early pregnancy, intensifying the moment I learned my youngest child was a son, I felt a strong pull to become something more than I currently was... something closer to the 2,000 women I had long admired.

I have been curious and inspired by the time, effort, and love it must have taken these women to not only teach their children, but to execute an unwavering example of faith in the Lord. I am just as often discouraged by my own lack of consistent faithful examples to my own family. I am too impatient, I am quick to anger. I don't spend enough time in personal scripture study. Successful family home evenings are few and {very} far between. I worry that my children will waiver in their faith if I am not more diligent in my efforts. I desire to do better, and I know the consequences if I fail. Failure is NOT an option.

Tonight I read an article, by Darla Isackson here, which spoke to me and helped me realize WHY I feel the way I do.... I feel an urgency to teach my children - my son, especially - because Heavenly Father KNOWS that they are precious and special.... and so does the adversary. He will not stop trying to sway them away from eternal life, therefore, I must NEVER be lackadaisical in my efforts to instill the principles and values of the Gospel within the hearts of my children!

These are just a couple of the many insights I pulled from Darla's article.

 “I feel to invoke the blessings of heaven on my sons--to call out every possible spiritual source of help. They are at the crossroad, their decisions are so crucial; I know the adversary will do all in his power to turn them from the spiritual blessings that are their birthright. I read their patriarchal blessings recently. These are choice and valiant spirits and worth all the effort Satan can make to waylay them from the right path. Surely the Lord knows exactly what is happening and will send every spiritual source of help that can strengthen them. Their spirits are so precious, their decisions so crucial right now--choice of wife, choice of path, choice of life patterns. Their whole life will be so much affected. Their unborn children so impacted. Can these unborn children intervene in their behalf? Can they influence them for righteousness and right choices? Only the Lord knows what my sons need, what can reach them, what influences will safeguard their souls, keep them on the path to their eternal inheritances. How I pray that they will be protected from the evils in the world, that the people and situations will come into their lives that will encourage them in the things of God. I would give my very life for any one of them to keep them safely moving ahead true to the best that is in them, listening to the Spirit, following it, becoming the men of God they have the potential to become. But in reality, I know that the most important thing I can do for them is to live by the Spirit myself and be a living witness of the truth.”

"Living in this wicked world, fighting daily battles, “wounds” are inevitable. Our children must learn by their mistakes--not by having us protect them from making any. The stripling warrior’s mothers prepared their sons to go off and do battle with great faith. They did not try to protect them by keeping them from going.  But the words and prayers of their mothers sustained them."

"... the glorious gift of the Atonement is Healing--no

matter how grievous the spiritual wounds. The Savior will bind up our stripling warrior’s wounds--and ours as well... Our children will be spiritually protected by their faith in the Lord and their faith can be increased by our faithfulness, consistent loving communication, and example. The children of the promise shall not perish spiritually!"

 WOW! This brings me to near-tears with the thought that in some not too distant time, my children {I have a daughter in the onslaught of it now} will be tempted beyond all understanding... and I will not be able to stop it. But oh, the relief I feel to know the God knows each one, He knows what they need, He can and does guide me in the ways of strengthening them. Oh how important their spiritual education at the knee of their mother is, so much more so than any formal education. So far-reaching and powerful.

This year I desire to focus on being more conspicuous as I live the Gospel. Purposefully keeping the Lord's commandments and honoring my covenants. Allowing my children to intentionally see the efforts and fruits of righteous, faithful living. I want them to know - without a doubt - that I know that Jesus Christ lives! That I know that He is our Savior and that His gospel has been restored to the earth. That I know that Joseph Smith Jr. was a prophet; that he did translate the Book of Mormon, by the power of God; that there is a true and living Prophet on the earth today! I want them to know that I know it with all of my heart and that I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and they love me! I want them to know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love each of them, with every fiber of their beings, I want them to know that!

Ryan's LDS Quotes