Recommit

I sit here and look over the beginings of more than a dozen blog posts that, for one reason or another, I have never been able to finish. Most recently, the reason was my lack of a decently working computer.... and while I am totally able, I truly despise trying to post via my mobile app.

I sit here looking at stacks of 'hand-me-down' items that were given to me by a family friend in need of downsizing. Mounds of laundry that need to be washed, folded, and put away. A kitchen that really needs the floors washed and the counters cleared (again).

And yet my heart only longs to make my children and apologize for the wasted hours. You see, school has started once again, for all of us. We are busy.... we are rushed.... we are exhausted. We run out the door in the morning, to after school activities and Mutual at night.... we storm through homework and dabble at housework. We scarf down meals thrown together in haste between chatter of friends and a nightly run down of the following day's happenings.

And I realize that I MISS MY KIDS! I miss my babies. I miss their snuggles. I miss their giggles and little mispronounced words. They are too grown, already. And each day I see them grow a little more.... And I long for the easy days. The ones before academics and achievements. The ones that were SO hard ... so exhausting... to trying. I long for the simplicity.

So. Even though I am going to be busy with school. Even though they are growing and busy. Even though we have commitments that we must keep. I am recommitting to something we called "Momma and Me"

I am going to make an effort each day to actively engage each child in loving and meaningful conversation even if it kills me seems silly. I will look them in the eyes and hold them close, tell them too many times how loved and important they are. I will be a better mother tomorrow than I was the day before.... EVERYDAY!

I will never give up! They are too precious for that!

I wanna be a Tortoise

In all of our struggles to do "the right thing", to be the best parent.... To make the best, most nutritious meals.... To have the most frugal yet chic home... In the midst of all of this, do we truly have time to be true to ourselves? How do we make time in our busy lives to be all that we want - or feel pressured to be?

I'll tell you a secret. 

WE DON'T!

I was impressed by this exact message in the blog post, Your Children Want YOU! In it, April discusses the tendency women have to get discouraged by not being the put together, crafty, fit woman with perfect children, wearing trendy haircuts and the latest styles - fashioned out of up-cycled, thrift store finds (of course) that we all perceive in the various media forms we encounter. She laments over her seemingly nu-alphabetized spice canisters and alternatively rejoices in her children's loving acceptance of her less than perfect attempts.

We don 't have to be everything, do everything, go everywhere to have a full, rich life.... we only have to be on the right track and take the time to point out its wonders. Linda and Richard Eyre wrote, in The Book of Nurturing, that the real reason the Tortoise won the race is attributed to the fact that he took time to do his job well. He didn't go all of the far-flung places the Hare did, he stuck to the path and watched for markers to guide his way. He didn't fret that others thought he was an unworthy participant, and in the rewrite, quite the opposite is actually true. Due to the Tortoise's easy going nature, the other animals were drawn to him, they spoke with him and helped him find his way. He didn't have to be the fastest, the most savvy, the one with the most mantle vignettes....  he only had to be himself and keep on the steady course of personal progression.

 I am, by far, not the perfectly fit, grudgingly beautiful, über stylish model of a woman that my Pinterest boards say I want to be.... but I'm okay with that.... because my kids think I have  a "beautiful face" and look "nicely dressed". When asked what they like best about me, they say things like "you play with us", "you read to me and you love me". This week, they were even grateful for the several loaves of bread I baked, even though I didn't put nearly enough yeast in and they are so dense that a single slice is a meal! The fact of the matter is, my children know that I love them and even if they don't understand it or necessarily show it , they appreciate the efforts I make on their behalf.... even the ones that fall short of the mark.

The Tortoise could never have the prowess, speed, or agility of the Hare. He could never match the Hare's style or grace.... just as I can never match some over-emphasized  imaginings of the World Wide Web. The beauty is that the Tortoise didn't have to .... and neither do I!